
Understanding the Victim Triangle with compassion for all.
Exercise: When Someone Acts Like a Bully
This exercise helps children look beneath the surface and understand the real emotions behind bullying, without taking on blame or responsibility for someone else’s behavior.
Step One: See the Moment Clearly
Close your eyes and imagine the classroom.
Picture the bully, not as a giant or a monster, but as a kid with a storm inside them.
Ask yourself:
What did they do? What did they say?
Say it in your own words, just as a reporter would.
No extra stories added.
This helps your mind step out of fear and into clarity.
Step Two: Look Under the Behavior
Now ask quietly inside: If someone acted that way, what might they be feeling inside?
Look for emotions like:
• Fear
• Anger
• Loneliness
• Embarrassment
• Worry
• Feeling left out
• Feeling not good enough
You do not have to know the exact feeling. Just imagining the possibility helps your heart understand the hurt behind the behavior.
Step Three: Notice Your Own Feelings
Put one hand on your heart. Ask yourself: What am I feeling right now?
Choose one word.
• Scared
• Confused
• Angry
• Sad
• Shocked
• Frozen
• Annoyed
Name it with honesty. Your feelings matter.
Step Four: Find Your Safe Response
Now imagine the room again. Picture yourself standing or sitting in a calm bubble of light that protects your emotions. From this safe bubble, choose your next move:
• Walk away
• Tell the teacher or an adult
• Stay near safe friends
• Use a strong, calm voice to say “Stop”
• Move your seat
• Take a breath and let the moment pass
You do not need to fix the bully. You don't have to rescue the victim. What you can do is send love to the people involved, without picking sides. This energy is explained in Book Two of the Bella Santini Chronicles, Bella Santini in the Troll War.
Step Five: Release What Is Not Yours
Close your eyes for a moment. Imagine placing all the bully’s heavy feelings into a small glowing basket on the ground.
Say quietly inside:
These feelings are not mine to carry.
Then picture the basket closing and floating away like a lantern. This helps your heart stay free.
Step Six: Strengthen Your Light
Take one more breath. Imagine a soft glow filling your chest. This is your compassion. It does not excuse hurtful behavior. It simply reminds you that you can understand the pain behind the action without letting it touch your worth.
You are steady.
You are safe.
You are free to choose how you respond.
